$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sext me about skeletons
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
