Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
