1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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