everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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