I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
