He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My bed smells like the plague
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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