how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
