Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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