HIV tests are more positive than that guy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
