I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
