Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
