Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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