After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
