Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
