...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
im on a boat
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