I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
