and my herpes radar will keep us safe
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This toilet bowl is my home.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
