return my video game
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
