I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
