Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
