So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
