I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
