Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
