i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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