Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
