she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
