oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
