I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
