i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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