when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
