i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
