so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
