Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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