I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
