Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
