I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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