Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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