Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
