im drinking this country out of the recession.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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