I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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