sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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