oh god the rape fog is back!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
