The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
