i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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