There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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