Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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