it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
