Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
