Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
