My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
